Even
after nearly a month of being home, I still can’t believe I’m not in Cape Town
anymore. At the same time, I feel like I never even left my home. I guess four
months compared to 19 years is nothing in comparison. But my time home so far
has shown me a little bit of what I’ve gained from being in Cape Town. Ever
since my brother died a few years ago I’ve been a more closed off person. I
found it hard to connect with new people, laugh easily and often, and just feel
free to be myself. Well, I don’t think I actually knew who I was after that
huge change in my life. When something like a death of a close relative
happens, it engulfs you and you somehow forget how to be the person you were
before. I think being put in a house in Cape Town with 17 other students was
the ultimate form of therapy I could have ever received. As an introvert, type
A kind of person, being in a house with 17 other people was a nightmare at
first. Always having to talk to people and deal with other ways of doing things
is not easy for my “type,” but it was ultimately the best possible way of
expanding comfort zones and finding out who you are, who everyone else is, and
how to appreciate those differences. Although I initially lived through the new
situation as I usually would by talking little and quietly existing among the
group of personalities, I eventually loosened up and began to let myself go. I
think I started to talk more to everyone, laugh more, go out and do things with
different people instead of my usual group. My group superlative was most
likely to come out of their shell, and there’s no better way to describe what
happened to me by being in that house. I gained back who I was before Ian died
and started to realize who I am becoming after being through it. My only wish
is that it didn’t take so long for me to come out of that shell. My hope is
that when I meet new people in the future that I want to have a friendship with
is that I don’t take so long to get to the point where I feel free to be
myself. I think with knowing myself a little more from this trip, I will be
able to be myself easier and quicker.
Being
back in the U.S. has also made me realize how easy it is to be ignorant of the
world around you. In Cape Town, that was impossible. Everyone talked about
everything. I knew about Nigeria’s elections and Al Shabaab. Now I know about
what my friends are doing and that’s about it. I’m really disappointed with
myself about losing touch with what’s going on. It was just so easy in South
Africa to know because it was part of daily conversations and plastered on
street posts. Here, though, it definitely takes more of an effort to keep
informed because the culture here is to know more about the superficial
than the substantial. I’m going to have to put in the effort with reading the
newspapers, but also in finding people that I can talk to about what’s going on
because my friends certainly aren’t interested.
What
I really miss most about Cape Town, though, is the spirit and values that
people held. For most people it seemed that as long as they had family, a
passion, and basic necessities like decent housing and food, there was no
reason to be unhappy. I try to stick to those values in the U.S. but it’s hard
when everyone is on their iPhone and it’s hard just because I have all these
material things that distract me from living in a more meaningful way as I did
in South Africa. I was definitely less preoccupied by my phone in Cape Town and
lived more by the flow than a calendar. I’m learning that the distractions from
the things you think make you happier (i.e. iPhones, Netflix) may actually make
you unhappier. I want to live like I lived in Cape Town again- minimal
distraction and lots of unexpected encounters/adventures.
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| Julia recalling the adventures and realizations of Cape Town |
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