It’s been exactly two weeks since I’ve been home now and my computer is
still running on South African time. I wish I was still running on South
African time. It’s been a weird transition to say the least. On one hand I
thought I was ready to leave. I thought that missing my friends and family were
enough to make this move easier, but in reality, sorry mom and dad, but I think
I miss South Africa more.
The first week was definitely the hardest. I went straight to UConn
because many of my friends were graduating and I wanted to see them before they
ventured off. I figured if I went straight to campus where things were going on
and I would be kept busy and entertained by seeing all my friends, it would be
enough to distract me from the reality of what actually happened. But of course
as I saw everyone for the first time in months, their first question was, “how
was South Africa?!” How do you even answer that question? It was impossible.
For some people a, “it was great!“ was just enough. But for my best friends,
the people I wanted to tell it all to, I had no idea where to begin. I told
them highlights and even at that I know I forgot some stuff but I settled on,
“it will all come out later.” I know that random things here will trigger the
memories of stories and events that have happened to me abroad. But to lay
myself out there, all 3 ½ months of adventures, emotions, activities, it was
just impossible for me to do.
I’ve also found myself weirdly more emotional than before I left for
South Africa. These overwhelming feelings of nostalgia and pure homesickness
take over my body to the point where I don’t know what to do but cry. And I
don’t know why I’m specifically crying except for the fact that I miss my life
in South Africa. There I felt such a purpose to my being. I got up each morning
and no matter what it was, even running errands to main rd. or down town, I had
something to do. And now I’m almost faced with the exact opposite, I’m jobless,
for the time being hopefully, and I’m back in my uneventful hometown and I sort
of feel lost.
Right
now I’m stuck in between. I’m in the States and this is my life again. But I
don’t want to let go completely of what I was in South Africa. I don’t want
everything that happened to me there fade away and just become a story, because
it was all so much more than that. Cape Town, South Africa is apart of me and
I’m trying to hold onto it for as long as I can, for forever hopefully, I’m
just having a hard time balancing everything and keeping South Africa alive
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In the distance: Devil's Peak, Table Mountain, Lion's Head |
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